Mainstream Misconceptions about BDSM

by Slaveduties
30, July 2010Sharing15 Comments

peta bdsm misconceptionsI came across this image during my travels around the web, and it disturbed me quite a bit. The PETA ad supports BDSM, and recognizes that it is a legitimate thing…what disturbed me was the meant-to-be-funny commentary added by the website making fun of the ad. It just goes to show that there are still a lot of misconceptions about BDSM in mainstream culture…that many people still believe that by a female being a submissive in BDSM play – she is somehow being disrespected. That bothers me quite a bit. I don’t feel disrespected…I feel fulfilled and happy. What should I do…marry some guy, lay on my back after he gets home from work and pretend to love him, while we pop out babies? Would that make me feel respected? I don’t think so.

BDSM has come a long way in mainstream culture – but there is still a long way to go. I don’t advocate shoving it down people’s throats, but nor do I think we deserve to be on the fringe of society…that “weird shit” people think only mentally unstable partake in. Human sexuality is a complex thing – BDSM and a million and one fetishes under that umbrella are deeply entrenched in the human psyche. Everyone has one fetish or another…whether it be breasts, necks, eyes, feet, or being beaten with a cane.

I just don’t understand how consensual play between adults can be deemed disrespectful to either party involved. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m interested to hear what you guys have to say, and what you think about the topic…I’d love for you to post in the comments and let me know what you think.

15 Comments

  1. Admin
    NB
    30 July 10, 4:17pm

    II absolutely agree with this. It is something that has bothered my from time to time. The public perception of BDSM is still so negative that I have had times where I wonder if something is wrong with me. This is why I think communities like this site are so important. By talking to each other and sharing everything from our kinks to jokes, we can feel comfortable with all aspects of ourselves. I really like your comment about laying on your back and squeezing our babies Slaveduties. This precisely the thing people don’t get. There are so many different ways people connect emotionally and sexually. As long as both people in a relationship are of clear mind and want what they are doing, I don’t believe there is an disrespect.

    Reply
  2. Admin
    Cat
    30 July 10, 4:35pm

    I agree, that is lame. It’s insulting for those of U/us that take O/our lifestyle as real and serious, not a joke or as just a kinky thing vanilla people do to spice things up occationally… grrr.

    Reply
  3. Admin
    JPeaslee
    30 July 10, 5:53pm

    I think that you’re dead wrong (and I think that PETA ad is just idiotic). While I do have friends who do some BDSM, and aren’t being “disrespected” are are definitely empowered women, I think there’s no way any entirely rational being could look at your lifestyle and say it’s fine. How is humiliation okay? How is abuse okay? How is a girl prostituting herself at an extremely young age even remotely fine? Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse – this is not okay! You got into this because you didn’t want to “think” – mentally, you’re not even an adult! How is that okay?

    Reply
    • Admin
      leigh
      31 July 10, 11:47am

      “Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse – this is not okay!” Of course abuse isn’t okay. But it cannot be considered abuse if it is consensual – which it is. I would bet most of us readers consider ourselves entirely rational human beings. I know I do, and I can look at her lifestyle and say it’s fine. As she said, ‘I just don’t understand how consensual play between adults can be deemed disrespectful to either party involved’. I agree one hundred per cent.

      Reply
    • Admin
      DarkTruth
      31 July 10, 6:24pm

      @ JPeaslee Why are you even looking at a BDSM site if you think that of us? That says a lot for you really. ;)

      I enjoy making women who chose to submit to me scream. I enjoy making women who chose to submit to me beg. I enjoy making women who chose to submit to me do things they find humiliating. Above all I enjoy making women who chose to submit to me feel safe and cared for because they know that I’ll always try my best to keep them safe from harm.

      We have made our choice to be in this lifestyle and you’ve made yours not to be…off you go now with your “enlightened” ways.

      Reply
      • Admin
        NB
        31 July 10, 6:48pm

        *applause*

        Reply
  4. Admin
    Ava
    30 July 10, 5:53pm

    Just another point of view… I read it as a comment about PETA’s notorious usage of naked or scantily clad women in their ads, not a comment about BDSM or the women who engage in it. PETA has been slammed (and rightly so, I believe) by feminist groups over their objectification of women — and I realize that these models have consented to being part of the ad and by proxy being objectified, but women as a group have not. Although clever, their ads continually use women’s bodies as commodities to sell their message, and I think they could come up with a better strategy.

    Reply
  5. Admin
    emily
    30 July 10, 6:58pm

    This ad is just mildly upsetting. PETA needs to stop using female models to push their ideals. BDSM is disrespectful to women? What about when you paraded a bunch of attractive nude women around Paris to protest Foie Gras, PETA? Because THAT little stunt was without a doubt more disrespectful than a consensual relationship between two people who know what they are getting into.

    Reply
  6. Admin
    Slaveduties
    31 July 10, 1:34pm

    I’d like to point out that I am not informed about PETA’s other actions and I can’t speak about them…this post and my point were in reference to this particular ad and the BDSM context of it. This post is not about PETA…it’s not commenting on PETA…it’s about the reply to a PETA ad that has obvious misconceptions about BDSM.

    Do I think the girl in the picture is being disrespected? No I don’t – why? Because she chose a career path that involved showing off her body.

    Do I think body image is an issue for many women due to advertising unachievable bodies for most women? Yes – I do…I think our society is far too enthralled with image. That however is a completely different issue and discussion.

    I understand that for someone who is not into BDSM, looking in – there are misconceptions, that’s what this whole post is about. When I was younger and did what I did – I recognize that it wasn’t a good or right thing – but was I the only young person to make stupid mistakes? I was simply exploring my feelings, as any young person does – how I went about it was obviously pretty stupid…and I learned from those stupid mistakes, grew – and those experiences informed me and educated me to make better decision from that point forward.

    We all need to live our lives in a way that fulfills us and makes us happy. We only get one life, one shot. We need to live it to the fullest. I am not about to give up what makes me as happy as I am to be considered “normal” or “sane” by mainstream society. And I don’t think anyone should have to.

    Despite my desire to be a “mindless slave” as I think most people probably realize through my writing…I’m not a complete idiot. I didn’t go into this blind or unknowingly. My desire to disconnect from the world was the conscious and deliberate decision by a rational adult. What you deem disrespectful, I do not.

    Reply
  7. Admin
    DarkTruth
    31 July 10, 6:34pm

    I find it mildly ironic that anyone in this lifestyle thinks that add is “disrespectful”. Where’s the difference between us choosing to be in this lifestyle and her choosing to be in that picture?

    BDSM is wildly misunderstood. People look at it on the outside and miss everything underneath it. If vanilla people were to look at some of my posts they’ll probably call the police and clam I’m a rapist or something but what they’ll leave out is how much Dom’s/Masters really DO care about their Subs safety and well-being. Some “dom” (abusers) don’t care but there are those people in the Vanilla lifestyle as well. 99.5% of Doms wouldn’t let anyone ever harm their Sub or put them in a position where they could get harmed and most Doms wouldn’t let anyone harm Subs that aren’t even theirs.

    If you look at anything from the outside and make a judgement you’re going to be wrong, plain and simple. BDSM is far, far, far more intimate than a Vanilla relationship because of the amount of communication that’s involved. We actually know each other before we play, how many Vanilla people have one night stands? ;)

    Reply
  8. Admin
    bethan
    01 August 10, 12:43pm

    @SD … but I think what’s been said before is the person who made the comment isnt necessarily showing any misconception

    As in, they are saying PETA is saying that with this advert ‘you should be harmful to’ animals but by using a woman in this add we are disrespecting women in general (BDSM or no BDSM)

    … though after seeing another PETA advert using a duck in bondage saydig “fois gras – food for masocists” …. I don’t think they have fucking clue waht they are going on about in the first place …

    Reply
  9. Admin
    bethan
    01 August 10, 12:44pm

    *edit … “NOT be harmful to animals”

    Reply
  10. Admin
    bethan
    01 August 10, 12:44pm

    *edit … I meant goose …

    Reply
  11. Admin
    bethan
    01 August 10, 12:45pm

    not duck

    Reply

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