More Lifestyle BDSM Questions Answered

By Slaveduties

BDSM QuestionsPhoto Courtesy of: Wasteland.com

Many of the regular readers have probably read these Q&A posts before, for those that haven’t if your curious here they are:

#1 Questions and Answers

#2 Questions and Answers Continued

As it happens, user “Tristesse” had some more questions, of which I am delighted to answer! The curiosity about my BDSM lifestyle is extremely flattering to me. I was always the quiet kid, and never did seek the spotlight – but this site and it’s amazing community certainly has enabled me to share my story, and more importantly – through the dozens of emails I get a day from the community, has hopefully helped me to help others like me! So without further ado, here’s the questions asked of me by Tristesse

1. Are you still going to be shelved and boxed permanently when you reach 30/when you are no longer deemed useful?

This was honestly a bit far-fetched from the beginning. It was a huge fantasy of mine, and Master was more than happy to oblige and try it, but ultimately it wasn’t realistic and not doable. We have done smaller stints though, in which I am placed in tight confinement for several days at a time. I have a love/hate relationship with it obviously – as since the day I became “lead slave” my mind has once again had to be kind of…reactivated. Between this site, and managing the house slave and all my tasks (and the puppyslave before she left) – I can’t be that mindless being I had once aspired to be.

2. You are allowed to speak again, I presume? If not, how do you do it? How DID you not speak for 9+ months? I’m not sure I could give that up.

Yes I have been allowed to speak again for quite some time now…I can’t remember if I made a post about it back then, I’d have to look it up. Anyway, yes I can speak – and to answer your other questions…it wasn’t very hard to not speak. My mindless slave brain at the time had nothing to say. I was simply a tool to be used and abused, and I was extremely happy – I didn’t miss speaking at all. It wasn’t difficult to start speaking again…I still screamed plenty during my time as a mute, so it’s not like it felt weird to have sound coming out of my mouth – it was weird being able to communicate in a way other than body language though. I think most things I do aren’t for most people – and neither is this probably :)

3. Are your permanent body modifications still on-going? What has been happening in that regard?

Nothing permenant has been done to my body since the branding. Master has thought of a few things, but he is very hesitant to do something so extreme as to wreck a life I might have if ever I do decide to leave his ownership.

4. When did you become sure that your Master is the one you would like to have for life? (This might be a repeat, sorry if it is, but I am struggling with this myself. Sometimes I feel he’s the one I can take it to the 24/7 level with, but sometimes, I’m uncertain…)

I don’t think I have an answer to this question to be honest. Your uncertainty won’t go away anytime soon…when I was bouncing between Masters, I was always uncertain. Only after several months of living as Master’s 24/7 slave did the uncertainty finally fade. You won’t feel certain until you’ve given it a shot for a couple of months…or maybe in your case it’ll be days or weeks. This stuff can vary greatly between people, so there are probably as many answers to this as there are owned slaves.

5.  Is there any age you consider to young to do BDSM play? (after they’ve reached sexual maturity, of course!)

Another hard one to answer…obviously the rule of thumb is – all is good as long as it’s between two consenting adults. That being said, there are people that mature a little fast and a little slow. Someone might be 26 and not mentally mature enough to make good rational life decisions. Or someone might be 21 and extremely mentally mature and very able to make a critical life decision involving BDSM into their life. Ultimately everyone needs to make their own thought out decisions and learn from their mistakes…this applies to lifestyle slaves as well as anyone else :)

6. How did you get rid of your gag reflex? I’m trying to train mine, but it doesn’t seem to be working as well as I hoped it would…

Practice, practice, practice! The big thing is keeping your throat open and keeping it and yourself as relaxed as possible. I still have a gag reflex, if I want it – I can still gag…it still takes the concious thought to keep my throat open when a cock is in it, otherwise I gag with the best of em hehe. Practice on toys as much as you can. Sitting on the computer? Shove something in your throat and just get used to it over long periods of time. Also if you do have a Master, it’s a good idea to have him take an active role in training your throat…

(rest of this answer and more questions after the break!)

One very good example of a good training technique with your Master/lover is: Put on a collar and a leash. Now have him sit on the couch and sit on your leash, so that the leash goes from your neck, under his bum, and up his back where it pops out. Have it tight enough so your mouth is on his cock. Now, he can pull the leash which pulls you down further onto his cock, and you can not back away from it. If you go down, you stay down. You can also take a long belt or rope, have it go under his bum and over the back of your head, again while your mouth is on his cock. If he tightens the belt, it will push your head down. Now pop in a movie, and let him watch it – while slowly tightening the belt/leash. Eventually his cock will be buried in your throat and you’ll be able to handle it :)

7. What if your parents decided to come visit? What would you/your Master do?

This really isn’t a possibility. We only go out to see them. But even still, it wouldn’t be a huge deal. We’d simply have to send the house slave to a friend for the duration of their stay. Our place looks pretty normal hehe, we’d just have to pack away the cages and stuff :P

8. I find (when I do submit within the context of a scene) that I’m a rather bratty submissive. Is there any way to cure this? (I think it’s perhaps I want the punishment, and my Master does not punish me enough… He is too forgiving.)

There is nothing wrong with being a bratty submissive! It can be a lot of fun, I personally am not one – but to each their own. Variety is a good thing :) If you don’t want to be a bratty submissive, it is definitely up to your Master to break you though. He needs to have the ability and werewithawl to put you through that process to make you into his perfect submissive. That being said, he might like the fact that your a bratty sub. Ultimately you need to communicate what your long-term goals are in your BDSM relationship, and you both need to find common ground and compromise! I was lucky enough that I didn’t need to do any of that…Master took me farther than I ever dreamed, and my opinion has very little weight.

9. If you were given a completely free day (no collar, dress how ever you want, go anywhere you want) what would you do? Or would you just be horribly confused? lol :)

I’d be horribly confused I think lol – I have no idea…I think I would probably put on big sweat pants and a way too big comfy sweater, and watch a bunch of movies and eat ice cream all day lol. I never wear baggy clothes, my wardrobe consists of latex…rubber…more latex and more rubber, and a few skimpy uniforms. I own two dresses, both do not cover very much, are very whore-ish…and those are my outdoor clothes (for shopping or going out on the town with Master), so wearing baggy un-revealing clothes would be nice for a day! With the work out, bondage training, chores, sexual duties to Master on a daily basis…my life is surprisingly busy and physically intense. I wouldn’t mind a day to just sit around hehe, I really don’t have days off – so that would definitely be nice. Not likely though :)

10. Do you have a safe word? Are you allowed to use it? If you’re feeling sick, or under the weather, what would your Master do?

We absolutely have a safe word…not having a safe word is just plain bad practice in my opinion. That being said, I’ve had conversations with people in the live chat – and most of us agree…a “green” and “yellow” safe word I think is silly as well. Green meaning, go harder, yellow meaning slow down. Red would obviously be stop. I don’t see the point in green and yellow…my body isn’t mine, it’s Master’s property…my mind (which also is not my own) just happens to reside in the body he owns…what gives me the right to say “go harder” or “slow down”? Red is necessary because when playing with pain – permenant damage is always a concern.

I very very rarely need to use our safe word. I can count on one hand the times I’ve used it – and probably 99% of those were in the first two weeks of my becoming Masters property. Once he learned my limits, and I was pushed far beyond them time and time again – he created new limits for me…he knows those and can ride them. He knows that I can take 3 to 4 hard cane strokes back-to-back on my inner theigh before it becomes overwhelmingly painful and I get light headed. He does 4…then moves to the other inner-theigh to abuse that one. Keeping me right on the edge of my pain threshold throughout the entire torture.

So yes, safe words are most definitely a VERY good idea – but I don’t agree with the other words personally. Again every relationship is different and I’m sure many couples have great fun with the green, yellow, red system. :)

11. Last one: what would your Master do if you got pregnant? (Hey, accidents happen. I’m here because of one such accident ;) )

I think he’d pull me out from my sub-human status as his property until the decision was made…definitely it would have to be a decision between both of us, and I would definitely have to leave his mental control over me to really think about what I wanted to do. I’d probably have to spend a few days away from him, so that his regular influence over me might fade a bit, wheteher he wanted to keep it or not, we’d have to come to a decision together. I simply don’t know what we’d actually do because I’m not or ever have been in that position thankfully, but it wouldn’t be taken lightly that’s for sure.

12. I’m honestly curious about the dynamic in a 24/7 relationship, and whether it would work for me. Thank you in advance for taking the time to answer my questions. I love your blog, I’ve read through the entire thing in the past few weeks, just masturbating and alternately wishing for a life like yours! (Also, have you ever done scat play? I would love to suck my Masters dick and drink his sweet urine, but the idea just turns him off entirely, but the more I read about it, the more toilet slavery gets me wet! [Well, maybe not scat play...]) :) Take care! ~tris

Thank you for the wonderful comments, they mean so very much to me :) Thanfully Master is not into scat play (and neither am I, so win/win hehe). Like I’ve said before, I don’t like being his toilet slave (for urine which we do daily) – but I have gotten used to it over time. I’ve learned to understand that I need to worship all of him…including his piss, I am starting to become thankful for it, because he is giving it to me. Just like I worship the rest of him! In my relationship Master makes the decisions…so if he did not like me being his toilet slave, and I wanted it…ultimately, too bad for me. In your case though – it may not be as extreme…you might be able to ask for a compromise…to ask him to piss on/in you…I don’t know how serious you guys are, so ultimately it’s communication :)

Thank you for the questions, and of course…please feel free to ask followup questions or more questions in the comments below!

8 Comments

  1. Mistress_Karma August 21, 2010, 10:47 pm

    Once again, awesome post! I have some questions that have been playing on my mind . . .

    To start, as a submissive I’m a bit of an odd one. I’m a strictly in-scene kinda girl; I do not want to be owned, I refuse to have my mind seen as property as I can’t help but think for myself, and I feel it is my right as a human being to be respected when I want to be respected. I want to be loved and know what it feels like to have a somewhat normal relationship, and I want someone who can find an emotional connection through vanilla sex as well. That being said, in-scene is a whole different story; that’s when I don’t want to be in control of my body and find pleasure through abuse. I’ve been on ALT for a while now and whenever I talk to anyone, they want a 24/7 power exchange. Do you know of any BDSM couples who share my philosophy? Is it possible, in this world, to find a Master capable of valuing his sub as a human being when out of scene?

    My second would be regarding the switch role in BDSM. From reading you blog, I’m well aware of how Dom’s and subs are treated and allowed to interact with each other at BDSM themed parties and such. But what happens when someone is equally Dom and sub? Are they “allowed” to chat with other Dom’s about their practices or will they just get dirty looks and get shoved in a cage because they also have submissive tendencies? Just call me confused on this one lol ;)

    Reply
    • Mushion August 24, 2010, 6:58 pm

      I actually know quite a few couples with the same tendencies as you described. I am one myself ^^ You might want to go to http://www.fetlife.com It’s quite a big community and they have a little for everyone :D It’s not a dating site, but you can meet people non the less and find someone who wants what you want out of a relationship :)

      Reply
    • Three August 25, 2010, 9:02 pm

      You are most definitely not alone! My boyfriend/master and I have a very equal relationship in every way, except in the bedroom, when he becomes my master. It’s not always s+m, and sometimes we switch half way through. Sometimes I get a little confused, but my master is always quick to clarify. ;) It wasn’t sudden by any means, but gradual, and I think the reason we can do this is because we love and trust each other a great deal anyway.
      So maybe alt.com isn’t the right place for what you’re looking for. Maybe you need to find someone you can fall in love with first, and let your other desires come after.
      My heart goes out to you. :)

      Reply
  2. JPeaslee August 22, 2010, 1:29 am

    I’ve had my disagreements with your site in the past, but I still read it regularly. I think this is fascinating, and I really do enjoy reading about your day-to-day life. These Q&A posts are some of my favorites.

    Reply
  3. Hentai August 22, 2010, 6:33 pm

    Hmm the shelved idea made me think of something else which comes out really hot in my mind lol i didnt realise it was a fantasy of yours nice one sds

    Reply
  4. AliceRose August 23, 2010, 4:07 pm

    I am so glad this post was made slaveduties one of your previous posts about gurl who’s master. Was going to have her in a box…. Totaly revoulted me. I’m sry but I hve defenitly found out that that is not my fetish it shocked my mind so much that I was very very VERY vinnila I can honestly say I have not once fantisizsd about bdsm or submiting sence I’ve read that and it scares me cuz I’m just now starting to get my mind back into a slave mind set…. It took me like DAYS to even decide if I WANTED my mind in that mind set again I’m serrious it was the most termoil I’ve ever had inside my self EVER I just got on here to check some thing saw this post and read it and bit am I glad I did cuz I was seriously consedering asking SD to delet my acount bc….. I don’t want ya to do that anymore tho

    Well I’m back now …. I had to take s breake from BDSM to asses some things in my life

    Reply
  5. pauvre tristesse August 23, 2010, 8:12 pm

    Thanks so much for answering my question! I honestly thought nyou had forgotten about me, but I should have known you were better than that (and that you’re super busy to boot!) ;)
    I was never expected an entire post, and this has cleared up a lot of my questions.
    And lol, I talked with my Master… he does like me being bratty [sometimes]. I think he likes to have me almost on the edge of insubordination, then beat me back into place, which hey, I have no problem with ;)
    Thanks again, I absolutely love your site! :) ~tris

    Reply
  6. slow November 13, 2010, 10:53 am

    When you go to visit your parents what is your wardrobe and what happens to your collar. I know you have said they don’t know about your lifestyle so I was just curious.

    Reply

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